So, funny thing about this post in particular. My tablet's keyboard decided to die suddenly on me. I was getting upset in the middle of one of my new spots to create on a Tuesday. So, here I am writing this post with the virtual keyboard and its so uncomfortable to me. Forcing my hands to go back to an old way I use to type; two fingers. Yes, for a number of years I typed with two fingers but I was taught to stop doing it. So, now this action is extremely uncomfortable but I'm getting this post done no matter what.
So, how can something that was once comfortable to me be so uncomfortable now?
I can compare this to how much life was so chaotic for myself that I was consistently a social butterfly, consistently in drama,consistently giving myself away to people places and things that when I achieved some peace which honestly wasn't until 2022: it was so darn uncomfortable! The fear of missing out or FOMO was heavy in my life. I was so use to being in fight and flight that when I was able to finally breathe I wanted to seek conflict,seek chaos, seek some bullshit to make me feel needed in some way. This showed up in my home life, my love life, even my college life which is damn fucking expensive. Like seriously; who the fuck wants to fuck up $25k of education? Apparently my ass my freshman and junior year of those days.
The ways I wanted to destroy myself; vaping excessively in 2018-2019, reckless sexual encounters 2015-2019, dating emotionally unavailable men 2015+,getting blackout drunk and refusing to journal and create like I knew I could. I kept my demons so hidden that everyone outside of me honestly thought I was an angel. Maybe an angel and a bitch but no one knew what I was really doing to myself behind closed doors. I was ashamed and I also got a high off of being reckless with myself. I was looking to escape the "boredom" which essentially was no one bothering me with their problems, no one depending on me to give them advice, no one inviting me to party late at night til I puked. I felt useless, unwanted, alone, and that no one cared about me because I had no one to be codependent on. I went through a healing binge quite honestly in 2020, taking every class and meditation about how to be at peace, financially stable etc. While actively being broke, unhappy and hating that I was isolated from the chaos I knew for the past 6+ years. In 2020 I cut off so many "friends" and I was forced to move away from what I considered my normal.
2020 was honestly my time to self reflect and be a hermit. But I ignored this feeling and instead found myself in circles with fake healers, abusive mediums, and in general;hurt people who didn't know what peace truly was. I was seeking exactly what I missed; chaotic people,places and scenarios. They all were draining my pockets, my mental and my self confidence truly as a human and a fresh but been here before spiritualist. See, even with the gift of dreamwork,mediumship and knowing; I was naive to all that was around me because it was comfortable to be in such toxic circles. Growing up even was a battle for myself figuring out how to fit into crowds I had no business being in. Crowds that seen me as competition, as food, as a source of energy that could just fester on.
So, what is my point here? My point here is even though I was seeking such chaos my life, my soul and my purpose knew I didn't deserve these things. I knew I deserved more than having to be someone's free therapist, I knew I deserved to be heard and loved on from family and friends. I have been working for the past two years to get into a space that I am happy with what I do; even if it means I miss a party,a person or a situation. I have avoided so much drama,bullshit and probable STDs by just sitting my ass the hell down and focusing completely on me.
How could you get out of your comfort zone?
Do something new vs your regular patterns. It can be simple as ordering a different drink at your favorite spot. It could be challenging yourself to join a nonprofit as a volunteer, it could be just putting yourself into the spotlight for once if you're prone to hiding.
2. Have you always been the person to play captain save a heaux? Stop saving the heauxs. I know you're like but I can save them, I can help them, I am so able and capable of doing so. STOP. Save yourself for once; be a bit selfish.
3. Replace habits and things with something new that can give a similar escape. When was consistently vaping I started to use CBD in replace of THC. Then I moved onto yoga 3 times a week and movie nights with friends. I was still escaping in my own ways but these ways made my body stronger and my social battery full in comparison to the temporary high and chronic coughs.
Now these are just three examples and honestly I'm not against using substances for your enjoyment in this life; just be aware of why you're doing it. If it stems from escapism or self harm then you may have a problem on your hand vs a regular unwind and have fun moment that you know is only for fun. It's not impeding on you taking care of yourself, it's not self sabotaging who you are essentially as a person. You have to have some sort of self awareness of your actions and path to consider even getting out of your comfort zone.
If you've made it to the end; I challenge you to do 3 things outside of your comfort zone for a week. Comment on this blog post. Then do it again but for a month and give this blog another update. I want to see how you may enjoy these new habits you may of formed. I'll do it with you too.
The habits I commit myself to today for one week:
No Phone Scrolling in Bed When Waking Up and Going To Sleep
A 30 Minute Walk Afterwork
Step Out My Introvert Comfortzone by talking to strangers on purpose.
I love you!
As much as you love yourself.
Comments