I speak for many a woman or those who identify as fem when I say this;
When you start glowing, taking care of yourself, become seemingly unbothered; there is some dusty person or ex who suddenly sees your worth. Even when in the past you may of not been on the level that you are now; they did not see it and treated you as such. You were degraded,manipulated,blamed and probably scarred upon your heart.
You may be one who gives and gives til you are drained beyond measure. But for some reason once you learn to stop giving to such vampires and you learn how to put into place proper systems to support yourself; you are always given that dusty test.
Most likely; you have fallen for it. The test of an ex or person coming back into your life now that you have seemingly healed from those scars and soon they show exactly why things ended. Yesterday, I was minding my own business while having a cold. I was texting a cool new friend, I was cleaning my closet I feel which is a manifestion of the room I have for myself at times. When suddenly an old lover who I seperated from in a verbally violent way decided they wanted to come back into my life as a friend. I quickly demoted them to an aquintance and it seemed they had to ponder on their actions towards me for the entire year of our seperate. So much so that; they began to dump on me.
Without permission. Without second thought. Without even asking how my day was going.
I was then trauma dumped upon when the moment they could of done that; was when I was still in love with them, when I was still with them,when I had opened my heart and opens to their sorrows.
This person decided the perfect moment for confessions of their own shortcomings and quite frankly excuses was right after I told them we could be aquitance and I did not trust them with friendship. They proved it so quickly in a matter of minutes. I was left with my emotions from their dumping and I was livid.
I was livid at myself for allowing them into my social space for even a day. I was livid at them for seeing me as safe space in this time when they did not deserve my safety. I was livid that they thought it was perfectly okay to trauma dump on someone who was not their licensed therapist.
My rage is something even I am scared of. But I want to speak about how I took care of myself in hopes that I can help someone else who has gone through this similar tale of being triggered by a person who does not have the emotional capacity to consider your feelings.
I told them straight off. I had to release every last bit of anger onto them for the last time. My voice message was one that told them to not apologize to me but to do better for their next person. It was a message of I want them to feel and hear the distress they placed within me by not asking permission for such a interaction. They need to know that it is not okay to dump and go.
I blocked them immediately after saying my piece as a person who cannot fathom their language and trauma dumping is a person who will not bring you to healing; yes this is stonewalling but I belief that folks who truly know they have done you wrong deserve no more energy after you have fully gained your closure. They can be haunted by their actions. You can walk away with your peace.
I called a friend and cried my frustations. I vented it out. I had to get it out my body. As for a whole year I was working on myself but my anger was still as strong as the day of the breakup. The person who does you harm most likely will never be the one who solves your pain. You must take it out of you and have it be transmuted by a friend, a therapist, someone you can trust who is there for you.
I ran a bath for myself to cry in.
I used the rage I felt to clean my apartment. Yes; pointing that anger into projects that you have left on the dust works too. Rage paint, rage draw, rage sing, rage dance. Let your body move in a sense that you harm no one; not even yourself in the moment.
I had to remember the best revenge after you continue to glow and be poked at by a dusty person; Is to glow even more and become untouchable. Build yourself for yourself and let those who squandered your energy and time weep at how they can never enter your circle.
I am a very extreme emotional and many a time logical person. I have my own beliefs on forgiveness and even tactics in relationships that work and some don't. But I type this all out to say;
Dont waste your energy on someone who cannot even consider your growth without them in your life.
Do well for yourself and believe that you can overcome intense emotions as they are fleeting; listen to your body vs your mind in fits such as these as our bodies know what we may need.
That is all I wanted to share today.
I hope you have a wonderful thursday and that you learned something or a skill for yourself the next time a dusty ex who triggers you. You'll be ready to move on in full and handle yourself with care.
I love you as much as you love yourself.
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